I was sick yesterday. I dislike being sick.

There are two things in particular about being sick which I really hate. First, I never want coffee when I’m sick — I mean I want it, but I can never bring myself to drink it. If I don’t have coffee in the morning and throughout the day I’ll be falling asleep by 4:30PM, so on top of being sleepy from the sickness, I’m even more tired from being unable to satisfy my mild addiction.

The second thing that drives me nuts about being sick are the hallucinations. I have wicked awful night terrors when I’m not well. Last night I dreamt that I ordered a hamburger and then a mob of people tried to rip my arms off because we were all playing some medieval game called, ‘Prince’. It was not fun. 

I also don’t like how my mouth feels all dry and leathery.

I’m going to slither back into bed now, goodbye.

Step One: Write a story

Step Two: Hate everything you’ve written and start again.

• Step Two (b). Come up with an opening paragraph they you really like.
• Step Two (c). Write the rest of the story.
• Step Two (d). Feel a brief shimmer of hope at what you’ve just written.

Step Three: Re-read and edit your work.

• If you like what you’ve written proceed directly to Step Five. If, on the other hand, you do not like what you’ve written so far continue to Step Four.

Step Four: Enter into a depressed state of self-hated.

Remember to ensure yourself that you are terrible in every possible way. You may also experience realizations of how pretentious and unoriginal you are. Supplement these feelings by drinking, and/or listening to depressing mid-80’s pop music while lying on your floor.

• Step Four (a). Return to Step One, and continue to write until you get to Step Five.

Step Five: Finish your story and be happy with it.

I have a question that I need answered, and I world really appreciate it if you could take 2 seconds and write an answer.

In one or two sentences tell me,

WHY DO YOU WRITE?

(Source: itakemyteawithsugar)

Back home I can tell you where you can eat cheap, or get good books, or where the good coffee is. But here I’m a tourist, awestruck and naïve. I need a tour guide.